Crash Landing: The Truth About My Backyard “Skydive”

Listen, I know what it looks like in the photo. You see me sprawled out on the grass in my tactical vest, lines everywhere, looking like I just plummeted from 10,000 feet. Some might call it a nap, but a high-performance scout like me prefers the term “emergency landing.”

Being the most noble member of the pack here in Ridgway, I take my duties seriously. While Marty is busy with his “inspections” and Jazzy is bouncing around like a pup with a mission, I decided to test the limits of dachshund aerodynamics. I strapped into my harness—the one with the American flag, naturally, to honor our family’s 35 years of service—and prepared for a daring backyard jump.

The “skydive” went something like this:

• The Ascent: I climbed onto the highest hill (okay, it was a slightly elevated patch of dirt).
• The Jump: I saw a squirrel and took a leap of faith.
• The Gear Failure: My “parachute” lines (which humans call “tether cables”) got a bit tangled in the tall grass.
• The Impact: I hit the ground and decided it was much softer than expected.

As you can see, I was so exhausted from the intense G-forces that I had to immediately enter a deep recovery state. Jazzy came over to check on me, but she lacks my level of tactical focus.

Managing martywoody.com and being a face of KDStoss LLC is hard work! Sometimes, a scout just needs to hit the dirt and stay there until dinner is served.

Don’t forget to check back for more of my “high-altitude” adventures! And please, subscribe and like our YouTube channel—it’s the only way to support my future aeronautical endeavors.

Stay noble, friends.

— Woody